I did a bad thing yesterday.
I even felt that I grieved the Holy Spirit while I was in the middle of it.
I kept going.
It was a true story I was telling to someone who was a non-essential person.
She did not need to know.
It did not help anything.
It was gossip.
It was ugly what the lady did and I didn’t need to share it.
So, this morning, I had not taken care of it with the Lord.
I knew He wasn’t happy and He reminded me again of the incident.
And how He wasn’t happy I shared something that did not help anything.
I said, but I’m not sorry.
Help me to be sorry, to feel what You feel, to care about how it affects You.
I don’t feel that.
When I was learning to love the truth, I used to pray this a lot:
‘Lord, help me to see things the way You see them.
I don’t think it’s wrong or it makes no sense to me why it matters.’
He was faithful to teach me.
His ways are much higher than our ways.
I also learned to just do what I’m supposed to do,
even if I don’t understand or if I don’t agree, because God knows best.
Sometimes I got it, sometimes I didn’t.
This morning, there was an elephant in the room.
I couldn’t ignore it.
God was not pleased with what I had done.
I knew it.
So, when I said, I don’t feel sorry,
He reminded me of that feeling of grieving His Holy Spirit
in the midst of my story I was telling to the person who didn’t need to know.
My act of sharing harmful information did not please Him.
I thought about Noah.
Remember when Noah was drunk
and he was naked and uncovered in his bed?
His son Ham first saw him and went to tell his brothers.
And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father,
and told his two brethren without. Genesis 9:22
The other two sons, instead of looking at their father’s nakedness,
covered him without looking.
And Shem and Japheth took a garment,
and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward,
and covered the nakedness of their father;
and their faces were backward,
and they saw not their father’s nakedness. Genesis 9:23
While this person is not my relative, not even someone I care much for,
I did not show God’s love.
There are many lessons in this small, little incident.
I know better.
I blew it.
I am a terrible person sometimes.
None of that self-loathing is important to God.
God wants us to love in the easy circumstances and in the hard ones.
Jesus said, what ye have done to the least of these, ye have done unto Me.
Gulp.
That would not be nice to hear on the day of Judgment.
Good thing I’m taking care of it with God now.
But I want to do it right not just because of that,
but for many reasons that I already know.
I was not loving my fellow human.
I was grieving the Holy Spirit.
I was gossiping.
I might have even caused strife.
I exposed someone else’s sin to another.
Love covers a multitude of sin.
There’s a long list and probably more things I’m not thinking of at the moment.
This is what I said to God, Lord, I am sorry for not being sorry.
Help me to be sorry.
I had to start there.
It has been a process.
I couldn’t just ignore what I had done.
It happened.
I don’t want things not clean and washed between me and God.
I want my sins cleansed and when I fail, I know I can trust Him to forgive me. That’s what He does.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins,
and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
When I couldn’t understand, I wanted to understand.
I wanted to realize how God saw things and to understand how I had hurt Him.
And. maybe how I had tempted the other person to think or feel negative feelings which she didn’t need to do.
All yucky stuff.
He that covereth his sins shall not prosper:
but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy. Proverbs 28:13
Lots of lessons in this instance.
Remembering our walk here needs to be in love, in God’s love, not our own.
Jesus is ever merciful.
He expects us to draw on His strength when we are weak
and to resist the devil.
He wants us to bring our failings and sins before Him
so that He can cleanse us and so we can be close to Him.
I could go on and on, but the point has been made.
A Prayer:
Jesus, help us to be sorry when we are not sorry so we can be more like You.
Scriptural References:
And the King shall answer and say unto them,
Verily I say unto you,
Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these My brethren,
ye have done it unto Me.
Then shall He say also unto them on the left hand,
Depart from Me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire,
prepared for the devil and his angels:
For I was an hungred, and ye gave Me no meat:
I was thirsty, and ye gave Me no drink:
I was a stranger, and ye took Me not in: naked, and ye clothed Me not:
sick, and in prison, and ye visited Me not.
Then shall they also answer Him, saying,
Lord, when saw we Thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger,
or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto Thee?
Then shall He answer them, saying,
Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these,
ye did it not to Me.
Matthew 25:40-45
And grieve not the holy Spirit of God,
whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
Ephesians 4:30