Take heed that ye do not your alms before men,
to be seen of them:
otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.
Therefore when thou doest thine alms,
do not sound a trumpet before thee,
as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets,
that they may have glory of men.
Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. Matthew 6:1-2
I went to visit a home church the other day
I have thought about something I said a few times
It has been bothering me, concerned that I may have received my reward
Trading a heavenly reward for an earthly reward sounds terrible
Especially if you think of it like this: Would you rather have an earthly reward,
something that is for a moment or a few days, even a few years?
Or receive a reward that God gives you,
that will be just and true to what you deserved and will last forever in eternity?
No contest
But often we choose earthly rewards for the immediate gratification
Usually meaningless, superficial temporal satisfaction that goes away soon after
So I pondered the statement I had made,
how I was trying to explain my righteousness
and how I have clung to God all my life,
The Host seemed surprised that I knew much at all,
because I told him I did not belong to a church
I had to let him know otherwise
I wanted him to know I was not a prodigal
That I had remained close to God since I gave my life to Him
Not that there is anything wrong with being a lost sheep,
the one that the Lord leaves the 99 and goes after the 1
I was honoring myself and not the Lord
It was ugly
It is before God that I stand or fall
I have been far from perfect
We all have
No matter if we are the brother who has always been with the father
or the prodigal
We all have our faults and misgivings
and our sins that He has graciously forgiven
I’m still asking the Lord to search my heart on that statement
Was I trying to receive glory for myself, by defending myself?
Was there any glory for God at all in the statement I had made?
Or was I just speaking the truth?
Who was I exalting there, myself or the Lord?
Was I puffing myself up so the man wouldn’t think less of me?
I think I know the answer
Show me the darkness, the hidden sin in my heart
And most of all, did I receive my reward?
I hope not
The second I said it, I knew how prideful it sounded
In essence I was saying:
“I belong to the Lord. I know His ways. That is what you should think of me, not less of me, like I am some prodigal who has strayed from the fold.”
What ugliness inside me made me want to be thought of better than I am?
Clean it out, Lord, purify the putrid sin of pride in my heart
I am nothing without You
None of us are
I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. John 15:5
Jesus must be trying to teach me something
because the other day,
I noticed in His word the disciples were squabbling
about how much better each one was than the other in their devotion to Him
I laughed out loud,
not because I thought they were funny,
but because I knew what it looked like to be thinking that way
as I had done it myself
And he came to Capernaum: and being in the house he asked them,
What was it that ye disputed among yourselves by the way?
But they held their peace: for by the way
they had disputed among themselves, who should be the greatest.
And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them,
If any man desire to be first,
the same shall be last of all,
and servant of all.
And he took a child,
and set him in the midst of them:
and when he had taken him in his arms, he said unto them, Mark 9:33-36
…Whosoever shall receive this child in my name receiveth me:
and whosoever shall receive me receiveth him that sent me:
for he that is least among you all, the same shall be great. Luke 9:48
Pride is an ugly monster that rears its ugly head as often as we let it
I remember watching a lovely movie called The Nun
This young Nun was trying to find her place in the world while serving God
There was one point where she said (not verbatim),
“I keep trying to be humble. I try over and over. When I finally feel I have made it, I realize I am proud for being humble.”
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. Matthew 5:8